


Abigail's Gay Awakening

by PaperJu



Category: Stardew Valley (Video Game)
Genre: Abigail slowly realizes that she's a lesbian and that's okay, Character Study, Other, Sebastian is also a good bro, The Worst Coming Out of the Century by Sam, it's kind of bitter-sweet but nothing too bad, sam is a good bro, the author is projecting really hard, warning for sad feelings about growing up gay in a heteronormative world, y'a know it's just how growing up is
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-17
Updated: 2020-06-17
Packaged: 2021-03-03 22:20:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,459
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24773035
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PaperJu/pseuds/PaperJu
Summary: Abigail realized she liked girls more than boys when she was eight years old.
Comments: 7
Kudos: 32





	Abigail's Gay Awakening

Abigail realized she liked girls more than boys when she was eight years old.

It wasn’t a big epiphany. She was at a sleepover with some friends from school, and after spending the whole afternoon eating candies, playing hide and seek, eating more candies, climbing trees and finally eating the delicious chocolate cake the mother of the girl who was hosting the little party had made, they had put their pajamas on, huddled under the covers and whispered secrets to each other, giggling and trying not to laugh to loudly to not alert the parents.

Abigail was feeling more than fine, her belly full and her cheeks hurting after laughing so much. There were three other girls in the dimly lit room, and Abigail could barely make out the outlines of their small faces. But she knew their voices, and she knew it was Marianna who talked about boys first.

“I think I like Franck” whispered Marianna, a gleeful tone in her hushed voice, and Tricia almost crushed Abigail when she rolled over to look at her, her eyes shining with excitement.

“Like _like_?” she asked, and Marianna nodded.

They all started giggling, and even if it was too dark too see anything, Abigail knew Marianna was blushing.

“He gave me a pretty shell last week, and he always wants to be with me when we work in pair. And he helps me with math homework, because he knows I’m not good at math” Marianna said, and Edith sighed dreamily.

“He’s so nice” she murmured, and Marianna nodded.

“I want to hold his hand” she confessed, probably blushing even more.

Tricia and Edith cooed and giggled. Abigail stayed silent, confused. Sure, she liked playing with boys during recess. They were always down to do stupid things like climbing the forbidden tree in the middle of the courtyard of the school, or planning to catch frogs to release them in the middle of class. But as much as she liked playing with them, she never wanted to hold their hands. Or receive pretty shells from them. Or have them help her with her math homework (not that she needed it, she was really good with numbers, thanks to her dad teaching her how to run his store since she was five).

She wrinkled her nose and pouted. She was still too young to care about these things, but still. She was kind of feeling excluded from the conversation. It would come later, maybe.

When Abigail was thirteen, liking boys was still not a thing for her.

She didn’t talk to Marianna and Tricia anymore, because the two girls had moved out of Zuzu City, but she was still friend with Edith. Edith was probably one of the prettiest girls of their middle school, and she was nice. Abigail liked her.

There were also Sam and Sebastian, the two boys that lived in Pelican Town, and they got closer because of the long bus rides to school. They would sit in the back and play games on the crappy flip-phone Sam had. They got along really well.

So Abigail was thirteen, and never had the sudden urge to take a boy’s hand, or kiss him, or go to the movie with him. Her mom once asked her, with her special mom-voice, if she had “a little boyfriend”, and Abigail just said “nah”, shrugging, not understanding why everyone wanted her to date a boy.

It was not that she found boys ugly. They were nice, she guessed. Funny, too. Sam made her laugh a lot, and he was always ready to help her wreck havoc in Pelican Town, much to Mayor Lewis’s dismay.

But boys were not _interesting_ in the same way girls were. It was a strange feeling, sometimes, when she saw a girl and a boy holding hands in the corridor of the school, smiling stupidly at each other, and kissing right after lunch. Maybe it was jealousy, but not for their budding love.

She wanted to kiss the girl, too.

She never dwelled on this. She had better things to do, like beating the boss of Journey of the Prairie’s King. And she had friends.

So she grew up. She kissed a girl when she was fourteen, on a dare, at a party, and she felt conflicted, both happy to finally achieve her goal, and sad that it was just… a joke. A challenge the other teens laughed about and congratulated her, as if she had made a big effort to kiss another girl and not feel disgusted by the act.

So she grew up. She once asked her mother, as delicately as she could, what she thought about girl than like girls. Her mother didn’t understand what she wanted to know, only saying “of course friendship is as important as love, sweetie!” which was totally not the point.

“I think I like girls” she confessed to Sam, on a Sunday afternoon. They were hanging out in his room, playing video games, and a bowl of pop-corn separated them. They were almost fifteen, and Sam was still experimenting with hairstyles. It was terrible and he looked stupid. 

“Duh” he said, not even looking at her, focused on the screen.

Abigail paused the game, and smacked him in the arm.

“Aouch! What did I do to deserve that?” Sam complained, rubbing the sore spot with a sad look on his face.

“Don’t say _duh_ when I say I’m into girls! It’s insensitive!” Abigail grumbled. Sam sighted, and nudged her shoulder with his own.

“Yeah, sorry, you know I’m an idiot. Do you want to …? I don’t know, talk about it?”

She smiled, and shook her head.

“Nah, I’m good. I just wanted you to know” she said, taking her controller back.

“I already knew” Sam whispered, and she threw him a dirty look before unpausing the game.

“I like girls too.” He didn’t even glance at her. “And boys.”

“I already knew” Abigail whispered with a big smile, and Sam laughed.

So she grew up. Loved by her friends and her parents, appreciated by her classmates for her stupid prank ideas and adventurous spirit. She had crushes in girls, every three months or so, but she never fully acted on it, too scared of rejection, of being considered like a weirdo.

So she grew up, and at seventeen, she fell for the quiet and reserved girl with long brown hair and bright eyes who always sat in the back of the class and never participated in group discussions. Her name was Meredith, and she had the most beautiful smile Abigail had ever see.

She invented excuses to go talk to her, asked her to help her with math homework (even if she still was very good with numbers, thanks dad) and tried to sit next to her as much as possible. She made her laugh, and smile, and she felt her heart stuttering every time Meredith touched her hand or chuckled at one of her dumb jokes.

They kissed on a rainy day, while waiting for the bus. It was one of the best moments of Abigail’s life. She could have spend hours like that, kissing this pretty girl without a care in the world, but two guys saw them and started making kissing noises and dumb comments, so she stopped. She was blushing and Meredith was blushing, and they held hands until the bus arrived.

They stayed together for the rest of the school year. They were happy. Abigail felt like she was the luckiest girl in the world.

Then high school ended, and Meredith got accepted into a renowned university on the other side of the country. They talked for hours, trying to find a solution. Abigail’s heart broke a little when Meredith told her this would not work, not if Abigail decided to stay in Pelican Town.

They broke up. Abigail cried for hours when she got home, and refused to say why to her mom. She was not even eighteen and she felt like her world had just ended.

She had applied for long-distance university classes, and got accepted, which was not a surprise. She was going to study economics, because she figured it would help with her father’s store. It was better than nothing, but it was not really what she wanted.

(She didn’t even know what she wanted.)

Sebastian came to comfort her, one night. He looked sad and she punched him in the arm.

“Don’t look so gloomy. I’m not dying. Just heartbroken and unsure about my future.”

He smiled, and sat next to her, in the carpet, in front of the television where she had been playing some stupid game for three hours straight.

“You are allowed to be sad, you know.” He was trying to cheer her up, which was nice. “She was your first girlfriend.”

Abigail unpaused the game, and nodded.

“I wish I could have followed her, you know?” she said, not looking at him. “And I didn’t just lose my girlfriend. I also lost a friend.”

He nodded, and put his arm on her shoulder, hugging her tightly.

“I’m here if you need to talk.”

She rubbed her eyes with the back of her hand, and smiled. Sebastian stayed with her late in the night, talking about the program he was working on, distracting her from her thoughts. Abigail was grateful to have such a good friend. The next morning, they went to the beach with Sam and his baby brother, and they built sand castles without talking about Abigail’s feelings.

When she got home that day, she went to the kitchen and hugged her mother really tight, and whispered:

“I’m okay, mom, don’t worry.”

Her mother just smiled, and returned the hug.

Summer passed in a blur. She helped her father with the store, tried to not think about Meredith, hanged around with Sam and Sebastian, trashed Mayor Lewis’s garden after drinking too many beer at the Luau, and met the new resident of the little cabin in the wood, named Eliott. They got along fine, talking about books in the library and discussing the horrible adaptations of their favorite science-fiction novels.

University started, but nothing really changed. Instead of going to Zuzu City every day for school, Abigail stayed at home, working on her assignments, reading complicated books about economics and capitalism and politics. It was kind of boring, but it kept her busy.

Meredith sent her a text during fall.

“ _I hope you are doing okay. I’m sorry I didn’t contact you sooner, I was scared. How is college for you? I moved on campus a few weeks ago, and I still get lost every time I have to go somewhere!_ ”

Abigail smiled when she read it.

“ _Thanks for the news! I’m doing fine, even if the classes are kind of boring. I help my dad with the store. I’m sure you will get used to university life soon! I kinda miss you, to be honest_.”

They talked for a few months on and on, but it was not the same. Abigail had nothing to say, since her life was very repetitive and boring, and Meredith was so busy she sometimes took a few days to answer. Little by little, they stopped talking.

“It’s better this way, you need to move on” Sam said, trying to do a kick-flip on his skateboard (and failing spectacularly).

“You’re probably right” Abigail sighed, from her spot on the side of the road. “But it still hurts.”

Sam rolled his eyes, and almost fell over.

“There are a lot of cute girls waiting for you. Lots of fishes in the sea, as they say.”

Abigail smiled, and watched him bump into a rock and tumble to the ground with a fond look on her face.

She started paying attention to the girls of Pelican Town after this conversation.

Maru was smart and sweet, and she was only younger than Abigail by a few months. But she was also Sebastian’s sister (or rather his half-sister, but he insisted the difference was no-existent) so it was kind of awkward to talk to her when Sebastian was right here glaring daggers into Abigail’s back, as if she was going to hurt Maru with her evil lesbianism. Or something like that.

Penny was… also sweet, but she was so withdrawn and shy that Abigail was pretty sure she had never heard her say anything but platitudes. It was a shame, because she seemed interesting, always carrying a book under her arm, but Abigail felt like she was way too intimidated by social contact.

Emily was fun, but way too old. Well, not _too_ old, but she was going to turn twenty-three soon, and Abigail was just not even nineteen yet. But still, it was nice to talk to her, and they bonded over their shared appreciation of unusual clothes.

Her sister, Hayley, was only a year older than Abigail, but she was too intimidating for her own good. Abigail had always been shy around beautiful, confident girl, and Hayley was the textbook definition of these words. She was pretty and she knew it, but she was also smart. She could talk about the history of women’s fashion for hours, rambling about the damages corsets had done to women’s bodies, and Abigail was way too impressed to try anything.

Leah moved in the small cabin just outside of town as spring arrived. She had bright red hair and callused hands from working with wood, and Abigail felt like she had just met a forest nymph or something. But Leah was secretive, and Abigail didn’t felt like following her everywhere in hope of seeing her smile.

So Abigail decided to stay single. For now. She was young, after all, and even if she had moved on from Meredith, she wanted some time to herself.

“I’m a lesbian” she announced to her mother, as summer was right around the corner.

Her mother lifted her eyes from the book she had been reading before Abigail had barged in the living room and planted herself right in front of her.

“That’s great, sweetie. Have you cleaned your room? Your grandmother is coming for the weekend, and I don’t want her to think you are a slob.”

Abigail stayed silent for a few seconds. Feeling like her mother was making fun of her.

“Mom, I’m GAY” she repeated, hoping the use of another adjective would prompt her mother to react a little bit differently.

“Hi Gay, I’m mom” her mother quipped back, her eyes glued to her book, a mischievous little smile on her lips.

Abigail’s growl of frustration could be heard from the General Store. Pierre looked up from his cash-register, feeling like he just missed something big.

**Author's Note:**

> Caroline just wanted to mess with Abigail a little bit. They talked for a while after that, and it's all good, I promise. She's a Supportive Mom :)


End file.
